My mom seemed impossible. She has rules and chores. She watches what I wear and questions who I hang out with. Sounds familiar? Take a deep breath. Relationships are not always easy, including the ones we have with parents. But there is always a way to heal them.
When my relationship with mom hit rock bottom, I asked my sister to help. She explained that rules and boundaries are how our parents help us find our way in life. It’s their way of doing their job of looking after us, educating us and protecting us.
When there’s tension, talking about what is causing it helps. Maybe you can make the first move? Do it when you’re both free. Appeal to her with your actions by offering to help with chores before she asks you to. Afterwards, make her tea and start the conversation lightly, like telling her how much you enjoyed working with her.
I learned that ‘talking about it’ works best when there is no finger-pointing. Mom didn’t like that I spent a lot of time with Bontle, who didn’t finish grade 12. I asked her if I could show her that Bontle is a positive influence. I told her that Bontle encourages me to study because she’s finishing her matric through ABET. She also informs me about boys and sex. I invited Bontle over so mom would get to know her.
If you can’t talk to your mom, think about getting a an adult or sibling that your mom trusts and respects to help you talk to her. Things worked for me and mom, they can work out for you too.